I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
