Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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