the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
