i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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