i don't plan on having that self control this summer
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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