i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
