A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
