Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
