I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize