I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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