you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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