I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
