so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You may now shotgun with the bride
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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