Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
