We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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