Where is the hickey?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
