my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm bleeding and have questions
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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