At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
