I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
