What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize