I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i will never coherently bang her
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
