my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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