we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
