i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
