Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize