No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
