Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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