I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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