I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the day after is always just damage control
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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