I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
