Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
