You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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