i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
And then he peed in my hair
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