We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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