So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
