***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
