Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize