Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
