So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
