My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
