I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
