I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
