i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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