if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
