come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
