Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Let's paint friendship bongs
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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