I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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