"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
