I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
