Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
