forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
