idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
