We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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