areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
