Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
