Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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