She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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