don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
