Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
