i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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