peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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