I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Still dying that you shit outside
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
