I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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