i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
