I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wannas sexs uuuuu
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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