i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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