Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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