Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize