also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
