girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
