spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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